Bob Wire has a Point

Blog by Bob Wire

Think of it as Gonzo meets Hee Haw: Missoula honky tonker Bob Wire holds forth on a unique life filled with music, parenthood, drinking, sports, working, marriage, drinking, and just navigating the twisted wreckage of American culture. Plus occasional grooming tips. Like the best humor, it’s not for everyone. Sometimes silly, sometimes surreal, sometimes savage, Bob Wire demands that you possess a good sense of humor and an open mind.

Bob Wire has written more than 500 humor columns for a regional website over the last five years, and his writing has appeared in the Missoulian, the Missoula Independent, Montana Magazine, and his own Bob Wire Has a Point Blog. He is a prolific songwriter, and has recorded three CDs of original material with his Montana band, the Magnificent Bastards. His previous band, the Fencemenders, was a popular fixture at area clubs. They were voted Best Local Band twice by the Missoula Independent readers poll. Bob was voted the Trail 103.3/Missoulian Entertainer of the Year in2007.

You can hear his music at bobwiremusic.com, or download it at iTunes, Amazon, and other online music providers.

Country Music: Good vs. Bad

By BOB WIRE. “You should write a song about that!” Any songwriter w... more

Summertime Is Time to Mess Around

By BOB WIRE - Summer camps. Play dates. Dropping off. Picking up. Enoug... more

Ladybugs To The Rescue

BY BOB WIRE- An estimated 10 quintillion insects are creeping around on... more

Mowing the Grass to Make Some Lettuce

BY BOB WIRE- My son, Rusty is trying to get a part-time job for the summer. Rather than donating plasma or sperm, I suggested he try his hand at lawn mowing.... more

Motivational Words for the Boys of Summer

BY BOB WIRE- To inspire my fellow denizens of the diamond, I’ve prepared a motivational speech that I’ll break out as soon as we hit our first slump. ... more

This Man’s Job is Breathtaking

BY BOB WIRE- I recently went in for a pulmonary function test. I’ve been having trouble breathing since, oh, 2008, and this spring it got pretty bad.... more

AARP’s RealPad vs. the iPad: My Senior Moment

BY BOB WIRE- My Aunt Byrdona emailed me the other day. "I want to get this tablet," she wrote. "What do you think?” I clicked the link and there it was, AARP's RealPad, a tablet for seniors.... more

Bee All You Can Bee

BY BOB WIRE- I was recently featured in a video called "Buggin' Out for the Butterfly House". In this follow-up blog I'll disccuss the green screen, lip synching, and flashing my grapes to the cast and crew.... more

Buggin’ Out for the Butterfly House

BY BOB WIRE- When a friend from the Missoula Butterfly House and Insectarium asked me if I'd be interested in helping them with a fund raising project, I said yes, on one condition....... more

Plumbing? Let Me Get My Snorkel

BY BOB WIRE- Recently I decided to investigate our wobbly, leaky kitchen faucet, but not because I wanted to stop the leak that was soaking everything under the sink. ... more

Travelodge Blues

BY BOB WIRE- On a recent family outing to Seattle for my son's lacrosse match, I made the mistake of trying to save a few bucks on a hotel one night.... more

Mr. Wire Goes to Helena

BY BOB WIRE- Everyone complains about our government. So this week I went to see Helena to see what the hell was going on there, and how I could help straighten things out.... more

There’s a Method to My March Madness

BY BOB WIRE- There's Nothing like March Madness! After sifting through all the information I gathered from every college basketball game I watched this season, I carefully filled out my bracket.... more

Getting the Vid But Missing the Point

BY BOB WIRE-I am not a millennial, but I’m old enough to have taken typing class in junior high, ridden in the back of station wagons with no seat belts, and cruised around on my ten-speed with no helmet. ... more

Missoula: Ten Books I Could Write About Us

BY BOB WIRE-Of all the books that could be entitled Missoula, an investigation into rape is not at the top of my list. Here's ten titles I could write about us.... more

My Kingdom for a Glue Stick

BY BOB WIRE-Living among a bunch of creative types keeps life interesting. And expensive. This occurred to me today as I was searching high and low for a glue stick. ... more

Inside the Glamorous World of Journalism

By BOB WIRE- Another Friday morning, another tedious story meeting at the newspaper. I had bigger fish to fry. That’s why I smelled like fish...... more

Sandwich Guy

By BOB WIRE- During Grizzly games I've been helping out at Paisano's Sandwich Counter. Oh, don't worry—I'm not actually handling the food. I handle the money and the schmoozing.... more

The Seinfeld of Blog Posts

By BOB WIRE- You think it's a cakewalk, coming up with a new topic to write a thousand words about every week? And not be about farts? Not that Missoula isn't rife with material. ... more

The Bar Gig From Hell Part 2: The Revenge

By BOB WIRE- The bartenders poured stiff drinks. That’s what got us through another night of pop country requests, complaints about the disco balls, and a general absence of love in the room. ... more

The Bar Gig From Hell, Part I

By BOB WIRE- My ego was beaten like a dirty throw rug this weekend, when we played a double-header in a new bar in unfamiliar territory. I overheard someone say, “who the hell is Bob Wire?” ... more

The Guitar that Invented Rock n’ Roll

By BOB WIRE- The Fender Stratocaster is to rock and roll what the basketball is to basketball. Its importance to rock music can’t be overstated.... more

Top Album Picks for 2014

By BOB WIRE- I'm sorry, but if you make beats that doesn't make you a musician or songwriter any more than picking up dog poop makes me a veterinarian.... more

Ten Things To Tell Your Dog Today

By BOB WIRE- My dog Houdini knows fewer English language words than Koko the gorilla. If only for one day, this magnificent beast could understand everything I’m telling him.... more

My Turkey Can Beat Your Turkey

By BOB WIRE- Our Thanksgiving meal was circumvented in a twisted, serpentine, Gordian knot of cooking contortions thanks to the numerous dietary considerations presented by our family.... more

It’s Supposed to Be No Fun. You’re Sick.

By BOB WIRE- The phone rings. "Dad," says a voice that sounds like Louis Armstrong with a sinus infection. "I don't feel good." It's Nurse Dad to the rescue!... more

You Spin Me Right ‘Round, Baby

By BOB WIRE- I enjoy moving at a high rate of speed without really getting anywhere so I was perfectly suited to participate in the second annual Ride-A-Thon, a fund raiser for A Carousel For Missoula.... more

You Can’t Take That On The Plane

By BOB WIRE- I traveled to the Bay Area last week to play some music at a fund raiser. The Delta agent looked at my guitar case like it contained fifty pounds of Ebola-infested squid.... more

40 Ways to Hog the Hot Tub

By BOB WIRE- Like to be by yourself in the hot tub? if you give one of these little conversational nuggets a try, you might be surprised at how quickly you find yourself alone.... more

Phones In Restaurants: Less Welcome Than Cockroaches

By BOB WIRE-If you're sitting with someone in a restaurant, reading this blog on your phone, I hope the waitress spills a pot of scalding coffee all over your naughty bits. And your phone.... more

My Bad: I’m the King of Inappropriate

By BOB WIRE- Who among us has not said something extremely inappropriate in a setting full of horrified witnesses? I should have a mantel full of trophies for that shit.... more

Aging Disgracefully With Rock’n Roll

By BOB WIRE- There’s a ton of great music out there, but we elder specimens either can’t hear it or can’t relate to it.... more

Turning Japanese, I Really Think So

By BOB WIRE- The decision to host an exchange student had been a last-minute one. “Should we buy some Japanese food? You know, sushi or, I don’t know, egg rolls? Rice-a-Roni?”... more

A Deed Most Fowl

By BOB WIRE-(VIDEO) When a semi loaded with 35,000 pounds of raw chicken sits in a truck stop parking lot for several days in the heat of Missoula's Indian summer, well, it ain't how they make perfume, brother.... more

Don’t Let Your Gourd Down: The Pumpkin Spice Invasion

By BOB WIRE-It shows up every fall, just after Labor Day, as predictable as foot fungus on a high school football player and as unwanted as teen pregnancy. Pumpkin flavored ale. ... more

Top Ten Debut Albums

By BOB WIRE-What makes a great debut album? I mean, besides a crappy second album. Luck plays a big part, as does talent, chemistry, strong songs and the golden touch of the right producer. ... more

Back to School: That’s Good, Right?

By BOB WIRE-Ah, the lunches have been packed, the driveway mugshots taken, and our kids have officially slammed the screen door on another summer vacation. It's back to school time!... more

Missoula South Side, Your Beer is Here

By BOB WIRE-As a man whose love of beer is well-documented and occasionally used against him, I gotta say I'm tickled with Missoula's newest brewery, Great Burn.... more

Scars: The Real Man’s Tattoos

By BOB WIRE-I don't have any tattoos, so now you know where I stand on tattoos. What I do have is a growing collection of scars. The real man's tattoos.... more

Existential Crisis in the Kitchen

By BOB WIRE- Despite what you might hear, I’m an enlightened, evolved male. I possess certain domestic capabilities. Believe it or not, I do know my Swiffer from a hole in the ground.... more

Visit Glacier Park While It Still Has Glaciers!

By BOB WIRE- Plans are underway to change the name of Glacier National Park to reflect its eventual lack of glaciers. 'Large And Somewhat Damp Mountains National Park' is in the running for finalist.... more

Visit Yellowstone Before it Blows Up

By BOB WIRE- One way to get around Yellowstone is aboard one of the Historic Yellow Buses. They can sometimes be seen roaring around a corner and scaring the bejesus out of some poor buffalo.... more

I Love Me Some Grass

By BOB WIRE- Ahhh the final glory days of a nice, green lawn. The current heat wave will surely have our yards as crispy as hash browns from the back of the griddle by the end of July.... more

Things To Do In Las Vegas When You’re Dead

By BOB WIRE-Broke, that is. Dead broke. I think we are all familiar enough with Sin City's over-the-top entertainment torrent to know that there is no end to the list of stuff to do in Las Vegas.... more

Let’s Talk About Toilet Paper

By BOB WIRE-We're talking about toilet paper. I won't even get into that whole "over vs. under" issue. That's a passionate holy war akin to the Mac vs PC debate. A little toilet paper cultural history here:... more

Bob Wire’s On the Course. FORE!

By BOB WIRE - Like a lot of men, I enjoy doing things that I’m not very good at. Like golf. I’ve played since high school, but never enough to get to the point where I’m consistently breaking 80.... more

Ladder Golf, the Latest in One-Handed Sports

By BOB WIRE - It’s called ladder golf, and it is to white trash what polo is to the filthy rich. And I am hooked.... more

TV or Not TV, That is the Question

By BOB WIRE - Our 32” tube TV, which seemed like a JumboTron when we bought it in 2002, had gone to that big Radio Shack in the sky. Buying a new set was going to require some major education.... more

Meet My Dentist, Dr. Mandible

By BOB WIRE - I just got home from a trip to the dentist. I hate the dentist. HATE the dentist. Oh, I don’t mind having my teeth worked on, I just can’t stand the guy who does it.... more

If It’s Off the Wall, It Can’t Go On the Wall

By BOB WIRE -The struggle for supremacy in the wall hangings department is an ongoing concern in the Wire compound. Our solution is to relegate the more questionable stuff to the basement or the spare bathroom.... more

Poker Night: Book Club For Men?

By BOB WIRE -Every Tuesday night for 7 years, I gathered with my good friends for a poker game. We survived 2 DUI’s, 1 divorce, “career changes,” and 4 births, including a couple of surprise offspring.... more

Artsy Fartsy Captions

By BOB WIRE -A recent family trip to the Seattle Art Museum provided some spectacular images of mind-bending approaches to modern art. Check out these photos:... more

Is American Idol Really That Bad?

By BOB WIRE -Is American really such a bad thing? Normally I would say the show is a cultural black hole. But it’s kind of fun when I watch it with my wife and daughter.... more

Do You Know What’s Under There?

By BOB WIRE -The day I pulled on my first pair of boxer shorts is the day I became a Man. I was probably 12 or so when I graduated from tighty whities.... more

Ten Things I Dig About Missoula

By BOB WIRE - I thought I'd make a list of things I dig about Missoula. To spice things up a bit, I've also collected a few opinions from Regular Joes asking: "What do you love about Missoula?"... more

20 Surefire Signs You’re Married to a Guitar Player

By BOB WIRE - We guitar players...we’re weird. We know it. If your partner is a guitarist, well, you have my sympathies. Here are twenty ways a guitar freak keeps your life interesting. ... more

Where is Flight 370? These Guys Have No Idea

By BOB WIRE-At last count, 26 countries were involved in the massive search for Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. Was it hijacked? Sucked up into the heavens? Check out these transcripts of radio communications.... more

Highway 93 Haiku

By BOB WIRE-Highway 93 is my favorite Western Montana stretch of road. Few road experiences make your heart soar like it does the moment you set eyes on the Mission Mountains or Flathead Lake.... more

Are Missoula Drivers the Worst?

By BOB WIRE-I grew up in a military family so we moved around a lot. All the towns I've lived in boast that they have the worst drivers in the world--Missoula is no exception.... more

The Dog Sled Days of Winter Are Here

By BOB WIRE-The Dog Days of Summer. Sounds pretty damned good right about now, huh? Well, barring a six-month coma, we’ll have to wait for it here in Missoula.... more

Nurse Bob is on Duty

By BOB WIRE-Welcome to Sick City! My wife and both kids have fallen ill. They are spewing gunk out of every orifice, and I am trying to avoid exposure to the nasty bug.... more

Another Boring Romantic, That’s Me

By BOB WIRE- It's the little things. Like the way I have a nice hot cup of tea waiting for her after she shovels the driveway. Who says I'm not romantic? I got romance up the wazoo.... more

Shaving: The Manliest of Father-Son Moments

By BOB WIRE- It’s a bittersweet thing, teaching your son how to shave. It’s a great bonding opportunity, but it also signals a big step away from childhood...and as most parents know, steps away from home.... more

XX Things to Watch For in the Super Bowl

By BOB WIRE-Janet Jackson and 'Nipplegate' taught me a valuable lesson about the Super Bowl: don’t look away. You might miss something. Here are XX things to watch for this Super Bowl:... more

Americana? Don’t Fence (mender) Me In

By BOB WIRE - I have to credit Rigel Banqueshot for introducing me to alt-country. I probably would have stumbled across the genre on my own, but like your first acid trip, it’s good to have an experienced gu... more

I Got The Rubbermaid Blues

By BOB WIRE -I'm living in tupperware hell. I have banned the reuse of all plastic containers. I got overwhelmed with the mismatched lids and containers that overran our kitchen cupboards.... more

Jeopardy Test Proves I am Dummer Than a Fifth Grader

By BOB WIRE - I took the online Jeopardy! test yesterday. Don’t bother setting your DVR; I won’t be appearing on the show any time soon.... more

Gifts for Pets a Family Tradition

By BOB WIRE - What do you get for the pet who has everything? Let me answer that with another question: what pet doesn't already have everything? ... more

Dear Santa, Here’s My List of Demands

By BOB WIRE - "Bob, what do you want for Christmas?" That question always freezes me up. But, since you asked, here goes: A jet pack, a robot maid, a cattle prod...oh, and.... ... more

You Can’t Put that Nerve-Shattering, Pants-Crapping Sound in a Radio Spot!

By BOB WIRE - Commercial radio has to run commercials to survive, right? Duh. It’s the first word in their name.But there are just some sounds that should NOT be on the radio.... more

The Perfect Gift For Every Musician On Your List

By BOB WIRE - With Christmas creeping up like a Visa card-murdering sniper, here's my annual list of gift suggestions for the musicians on your list. This year, buy em' a hat.... more

Another Turkey Under the Belt

By BOB WIRE - I’d just pulled the bird, a mere 12-pounder, out of the oven after 3-1/2 hours of roasting. Was it fully cooked? 15 minutes per pound, twelve pound bird, three hours, right?... more

Facebook Food Panics Turn My Stomach

By BOB WIRE - When I Facebook, it won’t be because they sell my personal info to advertisers and spammers, it will be because I can’t take one more shocking revelation that the food I’m eating will kill ... more

Why is Bob Wire So Angry Today?

By BOB WIRE - We get a lot of emails here at Bob Wire World Headquarters (not to mention the occasional foul-smelling parcel), and I thought it was high time I share some of them with you.... more

Serving the Customer is Key to Customer Service

By BOB WIRE - It’s common knowledge that if you want to get out ahead of your competition, something as seemingly obvious as a swiftly returned phone call is a big head start.... more

Coming Full Circle in Three Chords

By BOB WIRE- “Can we play Louie Louie? You bet your ass we can play Louie Louie!” In 1984 when I was playing with my first band, Rotten Tuna, we only knew eight songs, and they all sounded like Louie Louie.... more

Trick or Treating: How Old is Too Old?

By BOB WIRE- Halloween is upon us. Time to load up on little Butterfingers and remove the bulb from the porch light. Okay, it’s not my favorite holiday. Why? Simple. I’ve outgrown it. ... more

Hall of Fame Cannot Repel the KISS Army

By BOB WIRE- You may be among those who think the Hall of Fame is silly, irrelevant, phony and stupid. But for rock and roll, it’s the only way to officially enshrine its top practitioners.... more

A Casualty in the Practical Joke War

By BOB WIRE- I love a good practical joke. Over the years, sharp-eyed Missoulians have seen me driving around town with a fake foot and lower leg hanging out the bottom of the driver’s door.... more

Man Vs. Wasp

By BOB WIRE- At last the story can be told. It’s a tale of horror, pain, insects and payback. And it’s all true.... more

10 Bands That Didn’t Quit When They Should Have

By BOB WIRE- Here, in no particular order, are ten bands that kicked ass for a while and then failed to call it a day when they should have. And one that did.... more

Hitting Musical Home Runs in Missoula (VIDEOS)

By BOB WIRE- (VIDEOS) A couple of Missoula musical moments this week buoyed my spirits, kindled my hope, and shined a beam of light through the fog of malaise and banality that dominates popular music.... more

Summer Better Than Others

By BOB WIRE- This year that schizo three-month stretch of Montana heaven between Memorial Day and Labor Day was full of high points, low points, and everything in between.... more

The Big Sleep

By BOB WIRE- I like sleep. You like sleep. Everybody likes sleep. But my teenaged kids really, really like sleep. They don’t sleep so much as hibernate on a 24-hour cycle.... more

Top Ten Rules for a Good Yard Sale

By BOB WIRE- Pay attention to my top 10 Rules for a Good Yard Sale and you’ll make more money, more friends, and have a much smaller pile of useless crap to take to Goodwill afterwards.... more

Hey Bob, Go Jump in a Lake

By BOB WIRE (VIDEO) I used to be reckless--“jump from the fifth floor balcony into the pool” kind of reckless". Now, eating jalapeños on my nachos without taking a Prevacid first is as reckless as I get.... more

What NOT to Buy Your Wife For Your Anniversary

By BOB WIRE - I'm told that the responsibility for celebrating wedding anniversaries falls completely on the husband and that a vacuum cleaner may NOT be the best choice in gifts.... more

My Guitar’s On Fire and That’s OK

By BOB WIRE - I love my guitar. And now that it's 'El Fuego' with a custom paint job, I love it even more! This functional piece of art allows me to play what I call 'Maximum Honky Tonk'.... more

So you Have OCD? BFD

By BOB WIRE - Five million Americans suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. There are thousands of us who actually enjoy it.... more

Partial Sellout: Bob’s Favorite Sports Quotes

By BOB WIRE - So many overpaid muscle heads you see on TV try to sound profound, and just come across as the steroid-addled boobs that they are. Bob Wire's favorite sports quotes:... more

Hey Heloise, I Got Your Household Hints Right Here

By BOB WIRE - (VIDEO) As a kid I was fascinated with a newspaper column called 'Hints From Heloise'. I always thought of her as Betty Crocker's trashy sister and today I'm debunking some of her household tips. ... more

I Survived the 13-Hour Cereal Sale

By BOB WIRE - Growing up, I was affectionately known within my family as the Cereal Killer. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast every morning, a bowl after school, and I'd often sneak one after dinner.... more

Field Trips Are Great Except For Tick Fever

By BOB WIRE - Ah, a trip down memory lane. Both my kids are in high school now, and the impending last day of school makes me think of simpler times, when I still held sway over them and their classmates.... more

Sanctioned Ditch Day? Lame.

By BOB WIRE - Obviously, an officially sanctioned ditch day is an oxymoron, like the phrase “Facebook privacy policy.” So, like every other senior class before us, we had our own ditch day.... more

Bob Wire’s Antidote to Neutered Rock

By BOB WIRE - Rock and roll is systematically being neutered. But here are a few new artists who make music with a big swingin’ pair. They are all women and they’re bringing balls back to rock and roll. ... more

Don’t Be That Guy

By BOB WIRE - Stomping around onstage in front of a bar full of rowdy music fans is a pleasure that only a few will ever know. But I've hung up my spurs, mostly because of 'THAT GUY'.... more

A Dog’s Life: The Indignity of the Vet’s Office

By BOB WIRE - I wish I shared my dog’s optimism about visiting the doctor. I suppose it would help if someone offered me snacks and promised me a stop at the Bark Park... more

Ipod Wars: Last Playlist Standing

By BOB WIRE - Recently the whole wire family took a road trip for Spring Break. Each of us brought our Ipods, but as the kids get older it gets harder for me to endure this musical democracy.... more

Continental Breakfast

By BOB WIRE - I like biscuits and gravy. I don’t like carpenter’s glue with floor sweepings in it. Someone needs to get the word out to a certain hotel chain that there’s a difference.... more

Boycott Big Sky Brewing? No Way!

By BOB WIRE - In Montana, HB616, the so-called “brewery killer” bill and Missoula's Big Sky Brewing's support of the bill--has created a Facebook flurry. Boycott Big Sky Brewery? No Way! Read more and learn... more

Our Marriage Survived a Partial Bathroom Remodel

By BOB WIRE - There are three words that, when spoken together, have the power to blow a marriage apart like a hamster in a microwave: HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECT.... more

Strong Men Also Cry

By BOB WIRE - Are you surprised at my tears, sir? You know what, sometimes your ol’ buddy Bob just has to have himself a good cry. That’s right: strong men also cry.... more

Happy Birthday Jack Kerouac

By BOB WIRE - My best friend and I are just back from a landmark road trip to see the original manuscript for Kerouac’s iconic book, “On the Road"--the King of the Beats’ massive outpouring of creative br... more

Bob Wire’s Guide to Used Car Shopping

By BOB WIRE - When it comes to buying a car, I’m in the driver’s seat. Not to say that my wife doesn't know her way around the automotive ken, but I have cars in my DNA.... more

Missoula’s Urban Deer

By BOB WIRE - We live on a hillside overlooking the Missoula valley, and we see more deer than we do dogs, cats, pigeons, squirrels, or any other neighborhood-style critter.... more

Bob Wire’s Surprising Oscar Picks

By BOB WIRE - There’s a lot to talk about with the 85th Academy Awards. Let’s get down to the nominated movies. Here are my impressions of each movie, and why it doesn’t deserve to win Best Picture.... more

My Reaction to Gov. Steve Bullock’s State of the State Address

By BOB WIRE - First of all, thank you for wearing a tie, Gov. Bullock. Very Refreshing. Looks like you might actually be here to run the show, not just moseying into town for mule liniment & canning supplies.... more

My Sanity: Just Out of Reach

By BOB WIRE - After spinal fusion surgery Bob Wire describes himself thus: "I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need."... more

Worst Part of Surgery Recovery? Daytime TV.

By BOB WIRE - I’m bed-bound for two weeks, flat on my back after spinal fusion surgery. The physical pain is nothing compared to the mental agony of watching daytime TV.... more

Snowboarding in the Middle Ages

By BOB WIRE - One day last winter, the Wire clan piled into the 4Runner and hit the road for Discovery. Next time, we'll wear helmets to protect against dain bramage.... more

Bring Out Your Dead (Tree, That Is)

By BOB WIRE - After we’ve undecked the halls, I strap our Christmas tree to the car for one of my favorite holiday events: The existential post-Christmas moment.... more

Wallpaper: 1, Bob Wire: 0

By BOB WIRE - We removed the mortuary-chic 1970s wallpaper in our hallway this weekend. Fortunately, the hardware store is next to the liquor store.... more

Shoppeth ‘Til Thou Droppeth

By BOB WIRE - I want to help set the record straight about Christmas consumerism. Take heed, brothers and sisters, for the Big Day is coming.... more

Bob Wire’s Off-White Christmas Videos

By BOB WIRE - With the help of a few Missoula businesses, we’ve created some Christmas music videos from our award-winning CD, “Off White Christmas.”... more

OMG! It’s a Bob Wire Christmas!

By BOB WIRE - Ten shopping days ‘til Christmas. I suppose it’s time to get moving on things. That'll mean at least one trip to the Death Star of shopping, the Mall.... more

Some Like it Hot. I Used To.

By BOB WIRE - As I shuffle clumsily into middle age, acid reflux is taking its revenge on my stomach lining. Nothing sets off the alarms down below like a helping of hot chile peppers.... more

Bob Wire, A Jewelry Salesman’s Worst Nightmare

By BOB WIRE - When it comes to jewelry, I’m not exactly in the same class as Mr. T. I do appreciate the occasional statement piece, as long as it's tasteful and refined.... more

Writers Got to Know Words Good

By BOB WIRE - I’m an aficionado of language, and the hilarious and maddening ways it's misused. Here's a hit list of offending words and phrases, and the proper usage.... more