Artsy Fartsy Captions

By BOB WIRE

What is art? One hundred people can view a work of art and come away with one hundred different interpretations. And the artist will probably say, no, you’re all wrong. THIS is what I was trying to say.

A recent family trip to the Seattle Art Museum provided some spectacular images of mind-bending approaches to modern art. Here are a few photos, along with some commentary.

(If I ever open an art museum I’m going to call it Artsy Fartsy.)

Picture23

 

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“Psst. Hey, bud, you have a big piece of Play-Doh in yournose.”

 

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“No, seriously, it’s called ‘peoplestyle.”

 

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“Drop Cloth” Price:$840,000

 

Picture1

“Today’s Trip To the Art Museum Is Brought To You By the Letter T!” Price:$186,000

 

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“Damn it, Grandpa, couldn’t you for once in your life read the directions? How are we supposed to sit in thisthing?”

 

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From the artist: “I’m having a hard time coming up with a title for this one. ‘Black and…something.’ ‘Night and…something.’ I don’t know. It escapes me.” Price:$400,000

 

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From the artist: “What do I call it? Hell, I don’t know. I found it under thepier.”

 

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“Two By Fours Dropped by the Maintenance Guy” Price: $715,000 (installationextra)

 

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“I Am Building the World’s Smallest Kitchen In the Middle Of My Living Room” Price: $67,000 per sq.ft

 

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“Skeletal Remains of a Big Ass Rubik’s Cube” Price:$20,000×6

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“Chicken Wire Chingado” Price: 450,000pesos

 

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“Bueller…? Bueller…?Bueller…?”

 

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From the artist: “I don’t know what you call it, but I’ll tell you this—it’s the most expensive drawer pull they have at HomeDepot.”

 

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“Wait a second. You’re telling me that chemtrails are actually a plasma net laid over the earth by aliens to contain our psychic energy from escaping into space? Whoa. Hey, can I buy some of this pot fromyou?”

 

 

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“This piece represents the rigidity and hard-wired expectations of our modern American world. It’s all right angles and smooth surfaces, which reflect our culture’s adherence to the status quo, to the unyielding societal mores that force the artist to exist outside the box ofnormalcy.”

 

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“NeverMind”

 

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“What a beautiful suit! Do you have it in a Men’s 44 Long? And will it protect me fromchemtrails?”

   Check out all of Bob Wire’s posts in his blogarchive.

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Have an off-white Christmas with Bob Wire.Think of it as Gonzo meets Hee Haw: Missoula honky tonker Bob Wire holds forth on a unique life filled with music, parenthood, drinking, sports, working, marriage, drinking, and just navigating the twisted wreckage of American culture. Plus occasional grooming tips. Like the best humor, it’s not for everyone. Sometimes silly, sometimes surreal, sometimes savage, Bob Wire demands that you possess a good sense of humor and an openmind.

Bob Wire has written more than 500 humor columns for a regional website over the last five years, and his writing has appeared in the Missoulian, the Missoula Independent, Montana Magazine, and his own Bob Wire Has a Point Blog. He is a prolific songwriter, and has recorded three CDs of original material with his Montana band, the Magnificent Bastards. His previous band, the Fencemenders, was a popular fixture at area clubs. They were voted Best Local Band twice by the Missoula Independent readers poll. Bob was voted the Trail 103.3/Missoulian Entertainer of the Year in 2007.

You can hear his music on his website, or download it at iTunes, Amazon, and other online music providers. Follow @Bob_Wire on Twitter.

 

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