Having it All

By Elke Govertsen

It is gone.

There used to be this lingering itch, like one in an unreachable spot on my back. It drove me nuts. It kept me from sleeping. It was completely out of reach. It was that desire to have it all.

To be a great mom, have an amazing relationship, clean house, clean car (who the hell has a clean car?) and time to work out, read, take care of myself, eat well, be creative, travel, be a good friend and about a zillion other things.

Scratching that-there itch just made it worse, eventually leaving a scab or scar. Itches just suck. Until they don’t.

It is gone. At least for now. Some of it is simply because time has moved us from being together round the clock and into school and activities. With my kids’ balance, mine has magically appeared and with out much effort on my part. I wish I had trusted that the clouds would part on their own. But I did everything I could to move those clouds by hand.  And I felt the futility.

Some of that itch-gone-ness is due to a bit of perspective. Even though it all seemed so hard at the time, I now see it just wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe I am a slacker, or just have an astounding capacity to ignore clutter, but the mess just doesn’t seem so messy.

But mostly I think I have realized that (drum roll please)

I just don’t WANT it all

— at least not at the same time. After years of feeling like my head was going to explode as I tried to hold it all together, I value nothing more than being able to focus on only one thing at a time. Just work. Just the kids. Just holding hands. Just… me.

And the funny thing was, as soon as I didn’t want it all, it started to feel like that might be exactly what I have.

Bio: Elke Govertsen is the publisher of Mamalode which is a magazine and website for area moms. When not juggling her family, business, and the laundry (disclosure – there is no laundry being done whatsoever) Elke tries to eek out time to write, do yoga, and read like afiend.